Day 2 Post-Op

A long, full, up-and-down Thursday

It’s been a doozy of a day, y’all. But I’ve made it through so far.

I passed PT at 9:30 this morning, meaning in terms of walking and mobility, I’m cleared for take-off. Having felt so close to actually losing my mobility, I’m thrilled and relieved to be able to get myself wherever I need/want to go on my own feet, especially so soon after this massive spinal surgery.

I have other challenges, however, that are beyond my control. The main thing right now is blood clots in my right leg (which is also where my primary tumor is; it functions as a kind of chronic clot). I’ve been on anticoagulants (blood thinners) for 5+ years and have never really had any kind of real clotting scare, like an acute pulmonary embolism. I’ve never even had any kind of leg swelling ever.

I’m off blood thinners due to my surgery and can’t be back on them until two days after my drain comes out - the drain is in my back, to remove blood and fluid from the surgical site; it’s not a situation you want to add more blood to.

So I need the drain to hurry up and finish doing its work, so it can be removed, so that two days later I can get back on blood thinners, so that I don’t throw a clot into my lungs, heart, or brain.

And yet, it is even more challenging than that. My right leg actually started to swell for the first time ever a couple of weeks before the surgery, when I was already on my usual anticoagulants. So even once I get back on blood thinners, I may still have a problem.

It’s all a little bit scary, and a lot to sort through with a team of people who already have a lot of things to sort through in my body.

All shall be well, in some fashion or other. I feel so much love poured into me and flowing out of me, I can hardly fathom it and certainly cannot describe it. But the love is getting me where I need to be, always. It’s like being moved from one degree of love forward towards another degree of love, forward towards even more love, all from beyond my own capacity for love. All I have to do is let go and receive and give. With challenges beyond my control to fix, I’m so glad to also have so much Love beyond my control to carry me through.

I have a 12”-long 43-staple zipper holding me together now. A visible sign to me that it is not up to me to do the work of holding myself together. I just need to let myself be held.